The Saga of Grim Axebane

By The Honorable Lord Patrick O' Malley

 

He was the biggest if not the brightest of Ingolfs boys. Grim had a fondness and a capacity for mead that made a worrisome companion of his tendency to berserk. When his voice was heard to boom from the meadhall "Kill them all" any man of good sense knew it was past time to be elsewhere.

Even when his head was clear of the fog of mead, Grim was not gifted in the arts of farming. He tended to break plows with astonishing regularity. This was as well for being the third son, there would be no land for him. So it came that Ingolf gave Grim his grandfathers great axe and bade him go to seek his fortune in Constantinople.

So it was that Grim set off on a small trading ship, axe in hand. When the time came that the river was to small to navigate, the crew hauled the ship on to ground and began cutting logs to portage. Grim, seeing the chance to be of use, took up his grandfather's axe and swung it at the nearest tree of suitable girth. He swung with such power that the tree was felled in one blow. All but one member of the crew moved swiftly enough to avoid being crushed by its trunk. Grim, laughing like a madman steeped up to the next tree. The traders and crew sought places to hide away from trees. Late in the day a great blow aimed at the base of a tree three times the thickness of a ships mast separated the axehead from its shaft. The axe head glanced off a bolder letting sparks fly and landed in the river. Grim searched well into the night but the axehead was swallowed by the river silt. The crew came out of hiding and the journey was completed with no further casualties.

Once in Constantinople Grim Made haste to see the Varangian Guard, lest they heard the stories of his shipmates and thought better of letting him join. The veterans of the guard heard him speak of his desire to kill in their name and seeing that his muscle greatly outreached his wit, said "You're our boy, ya ya ya." An elder guardsman lent Grim a great axe that had seen the inside of many skulls and he took his place behind the shield wall.

Time soon came for the guard to march out and face the dread barbarians of the eastern Lightning Clan, for they had been raiding in the emperor's lands. Grim had heard many tails of the Lightning Clans ferocity in battle and the giants they called dwarves. He had little interest in such stories and once sober even less memory of them. Grim charged into battle with the great axe in hand and a screaming grin on his face. His first swing did separate a lightning warrior's head from his shoulders. The next blow split a shield and the breast behind it. Caving in the helm of the next barbarian in line, Grim could not remember ever having such fun - but all good things must come to an end. As Grim's next blow crushed through a mans shoulder the axe haft did splinter into too much shorter pieces. His heart sank from glory as a funeral ship, its fires drowned in the cold ocean. Grim looked down at the broken axe. He saw that a length of wood was still attached to the axe head. Indeed the axe was no longer so great, but thinking some fun was better than no fun at all Grim picked it up and set of to find someone to hit.

In the battles that followed, his companions became more and more reluctant to give Grim the loan of an axe. Luck still follows Grim, and new Jarls with unblooded axes join the guard every year.

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